After 2 1/2 years of latte-making, I have a lot to say.
(I’ll preface with the fact that I have met so many wonderful customers and coworkers during my time here. I love my job a lot and I’m going to miss you all dearly when I leave. But I also have some sarcastic, bitter rants to get off my chest, so here they are.)
1. Get off your phone for ONE blessed minute so you can actually order your drink. I shouldn’t have to compete with your mother/friend/spouse/sibling while I take your order. It’s fine though; I’ll just act like you don’t exist until you press that big red ‘end’ button and return to reality.
2. If you don’t know what a cappuccino is, DON’T ORDER IT. You’re not going to like it, and then you’re going to act like it’s my fault that you’re a dumbass.
3. If you WHISPER your order to me at the register, don’t get pissed off when I don’t understand you. We’re in a coffee shop, not a library. There are blenders, grinders, and faucets on all around me, and lip-reading isn’t part of my training.
4. “Is ‘Moonbeamz’ your real name?”
Yeah. Because people totally name their kids that all the time.
5. Misogynistic, middle-aged, white males: I understand that you think you’re entitled to whatever you damn well please, but you’re just a human like the rest of us. The winking, the flirting, and the condescending comments are not going to convince me to give you a discount, laugh at your jokes, or sleep with you, so you can stop that now. I won’t feel the least bit guilty when I “accidentally” make your latte decaf. Women have brains too, and I’m not afraid to use mine.
6. Standing with your elbows on the counter, breathing down my neck while I make your drink is not going to make me go any faster. In fact, it’s just going to piss me off and cause me to make everyone else’s order before yours, purely for spite.
7. If I call out a drink for ‘Peter’ and your name is Stephanie, I’ll take a wild guess that IT’S PROBABLY NOT YOURS.
8. If I bend over backwards to help you, there’s a nifty little thing called a tip jar that you’re allowed to put money in. My employer doesn’t believe in paying me enough for survival, so I need to get rent money somehow!
9. If you THROW your cash at me, I’ll just blankly stare at you until you gain the courtesy to actually hand it to me.
10. I’m sure the line of 7 people behind you are just thrilled that you’re paying in change. There’s nothing we’d rather be doing than watch you count out those 56 pennies, one by one.
11. “Expresso” is not a word.
12. I have a college degree and quite a bit of self-respect, so you can quit treating me like pond scum now. Even if I didn’t have either of those things, I’m still a human being and should be treated like one.
Moral of the story/shocker of the century: Be nice to your barista, and she will be nice to you :)
Unaware of their own perfection.
“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”
A dude can be perfect in every way, but if he hasn’t read the Harry Potter series…
I’m just not interested.
If you aren’t familiar with this organization, you should be. I love TWLOHA and I love this purdy tank top. I also would not complain if it came with the handsome gentleman in the picture. Just throwing it out there that my half birthday is approaching quickly. Over and out.